STORY & PHOTOGRAPHY BY A.M.
STYLED BY ERICA MER
MAKEUP BY FARA CONLEY
FASHION APPEARING IN THIS SITTING BY SCHAI & UNITED NUDE

On 19 September, Jeana Turner graced our Autumn/Winter ‘19 cover story. She was then kind enough to share her personal story of overcoming obstacles and creating a new identity within the fashion industry. We are delighted to share her story and the wisdom she has gleaned that we may all collectively grow better together.

— A.M.

Jeana Turner is many things to many people. She is a successful model, solopreneur, creative artist, loving daughter, compassionate sister, and generous friend. She has amassed a sizable following over the course of her career.  To say she’s done-it-all isn’t much of a stretch. Having appeared on an internationally syndicated television series and signing with distinguished agencies Nomad Los Angeles and One Management, you might think this was another story of an overnight success following a generic narrative toward a predictable conclusion.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Jeana spent eight years as a freelance model working in some of the industry’s most diverse markets and grueling conditions.  She’s walked runways in New York and Los Angeles.  Appeared in advertising campaigns for American Apparel and Gypsy Sport.  Was illustrated for SHOWstudio’s 100 Women exhibition by artist Nicasio Torres.  Appeared in fine art projects Nothing To See and The United States of Purple by advertising photographer and director Tim Tadder.

Jeana has modeled for innumerable photography workshops and has appeared in various cover stories and online features.  She’s been a Playboy Cybergirl twice, working with one of the industry’s most respected producers, Holly Randall.  She’s been photographed nude with a twelve-foot python, an octopus and a Dodge Challenger (not at the same time).  And she has even appeared with Amanda Palmer on the cover of an NSFW Tarot card deck and art book series.

If Jeana’s story tells us anything, it’s that the truth is sometimes hidden within a knot of entangled experiences. And the truth is, there’s no such thing as overnight success.  There is only passion, drive, discipline, opportunity, constant refinement, and a bit of luck.  Much of what we call success is the natural outflow of a thousand previous false-starts and failures.  But with each, we’re presented the opportunity to learn and grow into the kind of person for whom greater success can not only be achieved, but will not crush us under its incredible weight.

And more often than not, it is a crushing weight.

It was the dead of winter on a fifteen hour flight from McCarran International Airport to Hamburg, Germany.  Most flights involve one or more stops along the way.  This was no different.  Jeana was invited to appear on the cover of TUSH Magazine’s 44th issue in a beauty story with Vanessa Davis, whose makeup designs are brilliant, and while they often deal with macabre undercurrents, they are nothing short of visionary.

It was a dream assignment with a dream team.  TUSH Magazine is published in Germany and circulated internationally.  They pride themselves on being at the cutting edge of beauty and fashion trends.  Editor-in-chief Armin Morbach is both an artist and an entrepreneur.  When he’s not managing creative teams for TUSH, Armin owns and operates artist management agency BALLSAAL which specializes in beauty professionals working in Germany, UK and US markets.

Rounding out the team would be fashion stylist Laurent Dombrowicz, whose previous credits include Global Fashion Director of CITIZEN K INTERNATIONAL, as well as an appointment by L'Oreal Division Luxe and L'Oréal Professionnel to, "develop analysis of the style trends, in order to explain, explore or establish new links between Arts, fashion and the cosmetics industry.”

Loni Baur would provide makeup design for an additional feature.  Her work can be seen in Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Hunger, Numéro, 5Eleven, and numerous other publications.  Loni has worked with everyone who’s anyone in the fashion world, and it’s easy to understand why.  And she happens to be represented by BALLSAAL.

Friederike M. would provide set design with a minimalist aesthetic and a sharp eye for detail. Her client list includes Swarovski, Steffen Schraut, Valisere, ITEM M6, and multiple fashion sittings.  Friederike M. is also represented by BALLSAAL, making this dream team a family affair.

No pressure.

FLIGHT MODE

Jeana was traveling alone outside of the United States for the first time.  And while that sounds exciting—and it certainly was for her then—she had been experiencing what she thought was vertigo, which caused nausea, photosensitivity, and diminished equilibrium. “I kept feeling like I was on a tire swing, and had just gotten off from it, and the world was still spinning,” she remembers.

In high school, Jeana was an athlete and a member of her school’s dance team.  She was always kinesthetically inclined and developed a keen proprioception.  Dancing had become a key part of her early development in her efforts to prevail against frequent struggles with body image and feelings of isolation.  So when vertigo entered her life during her school years, it was particularly devastating.

And there she was, on a long flight to a country for which she did not understand or speak the prevalent language.  She was alone.  She has a preexisting auto-immune disease.  She didn’t have health insurance.  She’s had life-long struggles with severe anxiety.  And now she has what feels like a resurgence of vertigo, which she thought she had overcome years prior.  To say it felt intense might be an understatement.

“I felt even more pressure to perform since I was on my way there.  People don’t care about being sick, and so I got really nervous,” Jeana recalls, having a plethora of experiences to corroborate her trepidation. But after arriving in Hamburg, she finally received good news.  Jeana had a friend in town who was more than willing to come to her aid.  And with her friend’s help, she was able to settle in for the assignment.  But the vertigo remained and she couldn’t understand why.  The symptoms returned in waves and eventually became too much to bear.

“I was drinking water because I felt dehydrated.  I was just chugging glass after glass of water.”  And then it happened.  Her breath shallowed.  Her balance faltered.  And projectile vomit—like something out of the exorcist—was now littering her hotel room.

Was it the water?  The food?  The flight?  The vertigo?  If only she could make it through the end of the shoot, she could worry about those details later.

Jeana made it out of the hotel and greeted her driver.  She recalls her admiration for his reaction. Having seen the telltale signs of her condition, he kindly urged her to remain in her suite.  But Jeana had already postponed this shoot twice.  (And if you know nothing else about her, you’ll quickly learn she rarely backs down from a challenge.)  Yet this proved too much, and she quietly collapsed into a quivering heap on the steps nearby.

There would be no photoshoot that day.  And while there was a palpable disappointment lingering the air of Jeana’s hotel suite, the people at TUSH proved to be exceptionally gracious and generous hosts.

PHOTO DAY

The next day was the shoot with Armin, Laurent & Loni which went as well as can be expected.  Jeana made it through with minimal difficulty, and the team was, as she recalls, exceptional.  The final day was the longest.  Jeana would be required to spend 6.5 hours in makeup for a challenging creative aesthetic requiring multiple items to be affixed to her head and torso.  She recalls the first few hours were asymptomatic.  However, there came a point when she could no longer hold back.

"There’s these big lights—like vanity lights, but times ten—in front of me in a tiny little room that got really hot.  And I hadn’t eaten all day.  I was sitting up having somebody put stones on me.  And all of a sudden, I start throwing up everywhere again.  And this is before we would start taking pictures.  Now things are stuck to me.  It’s even worse.  So I pulled it together—I don’t even know how—and got it done.  But I was really worried.”

Worried about her impact on the shoot of a lifetime. Worried about her condition worsening. Worried she might not have the strength to complete her next assignment on another continent a mere 48 hours from now. Worried about her unraveling personal life that led to overworking herself in the first place.

Principal photography took 15 minutes, followed by cleanup, tear down, and later bed.  After Germany, Jeana would fly to New York for a beauty campaign before returning to Las Vegas, and finally home.  Her symptoms persisted.

In all, Jeana traveled to 13 states and 2 countries in a 10 day period.

HOMECOMING

It was midnight. Upon arriving home, Jeana remembers immediately collapsing in her bed.  The weight of the past few weeks had collectively taken their toll.  “I was beyond stressed. Like, mentally stressed.  And then physically putting more stressors on my body.  Drowning myself in modeling work because I felt like that was going help me settle things, or fix myself, or forget about the crazy things that are happening in my real life.”

It was now 3 AM. Jeana awoke from a restless sleep in a cold sweat.  Her breath was shallow.  Her chest tight.  Her eyes dilated.  The right side of her body was momentarily paralyzed.  For the first time in her life, Jeana experienced a stroke in what doctors attribute to chronic stress.  It was January, 2019.

She was 25 years old.

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